Her eyes rolled back in her head as her whole body leaned back to face the heavens. Her throat released a sound that hadn’t been heard in 40 years as the crumbs of brownie fell gently on her dress. It was the first time I had ever seen her truly enjoy food and it was happening in the buffet line of our cousin’s wedding. It was glorious.
Until she turned to me and said “I am going to have to spend 30 extra minutes on the treadmill for the 20 seconds of amazingness. Hardly seems worth it does it?”
My heart broke for her as it often does when I see women order salad, chicken breast, or sadly say “no dessert for me…thanks”
It’s this fucked up relationship we have developed with experiencing pleasure that seems to shame us into a corner. We have been told pleasure is for “good people” and is reserved for those that accomplish their goals.
“Clean your room and you will get to watch Television.”
“If you get an A in math, you can go to horse camp.”
Problem is, sometimes I just need the damn Brownie. And, since I’m an adult now, and able to make adulty decisions, I should be able to put the brownie on a plate, warm it in the microwave, drop it on some ice cream and moan my way through a bowl of that any damn time I please without the feeling of guilt washing over me. It ruins the vibe frankly.
How do we walk away from the expectations of having everything done, the weight of what we have to do because of this sliver of fun or hell, even the guilt of ignoring it all for 15 minutes?
How do we hold onto to pleasure fully and completely?
I’ve heard many coaches talk about scheduling time for it, about living a life that makes room for it, about boxing it in or creating space for it.
I want you to conjure it, to find it living deeply inside your dusty corner. Let’s imagine what desire looks like. Is she full figured? Does she smell like cinnamon and taste like chocolate? Does desire get into her platform boots and listen to death metal music or does dance naked in the woods? Does she do both?
What do you want to embody, what part of you do you want to call forward? Together we will bring forth the parts in you that need to grow and live once again.