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Desire is an Inside Job

It's an inside job because they constant change. What I desire depends greatly on my mood, what is happening around me, my partners mood and what stage of life I am in.

For many keeping tabs on what you crave is considered a job. And well, we need to shift that lens. I will acknowledge that it definitely takes time, intention and space to tune your ear to what may be swirling in your deep darks.

So here are some of the ways you can take on this job and in time perhaps not see it as a job but begin to see it as nourishment, care and love.

Firstly, we need to acknowledge and accept desires as a part of who you are, no matter what they are, they are part of you. We also have to give ourselves permission to change what we desire depending on where we are in our life.

So, if this was a job we had to do...what step can we explore so that we can pursue desire in a responsible and ethical way. Here are some ways to take responsibility for your own desires:

Identify your Desires

Easier said than done I think! But spending time reflecting on what you truly desire in life should be a life long journey. This requires you to get in touch with your own feelings and emotions on a regular basis. Journaling, meditating, or talking with a trusted friend or coach can help you identify your desires. I, of course, love wondering out loud on this - so you can always reach out.

Own your Desires

Once you have identified possible desires, accept them as an experience to develop who you are. Don't be ashamed or guilty about what you want. Exploring independently is often the best way to get a true gauge of what is possible. So I highly recommend reading relevant books, taking courses, etc.

This may require you to step outside of your comfort zone and take risks so break your desires down into smaller, achievable experiences and take steps towards honouring yourself each day..

Be Ethical

Pursuing your desires in a responsible and ethical way means taking into account the impact your actions may have on others. Make sure you're not hurting or taking advantage of anyone else in the pursuit of your desires. So very often this requires conversations. Please have them. Finding the words can be hard - so here are some ways of starting that conversation.

"WOW, I had a dream last night that was kind of saucy....."

"List to this passage from the book I'm reading..."

"I have a little fantasy I want to share with you.."

Learning Experiences

Pursuing your desires may not always go according to plan - that's why I talk so very often about having a Plan B.. When setbacks occur, take stock and learn from them.

What about this experience was amazing?

What peaked my interest that is new?

What am I most proud of learning?

Remember, taking ownership for your own desires requires self-awareness, courage, and a willingness to take action. It's okay to ask for help along the way, and to adjust your course if needed. Taking responsibility for your own desires can be a powerful way to live a more fulfilling and authentic life and much less about a job you have to do.


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