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Coaching for Men: A Part of You is Not Here

Coaching for Men

“I was sitting in a sales pitch from one of the vendors trying to win our business. He wasn’t going to get it so I leaned back and started to really wonder where I went wrong, Where everything became tasteless and bland. Where did that spark of overwhelming fascination with the next big thing go. I finished school, had a good time, worked hard, bought a house and climbed the corporate ladder while getting married and having two children. I had hit all the goals…in fact… I overachieved what I thought was even possible.  So how is it even possible that I am sitting here in the boardroom of my own company and feeling like I left all the good times behind.”


“Stop there for just one second.”


“I’m listening….”


“You climbed the corporate ladder while getting married and having two children?”


“Well yeah - I mean this a big life events, that why I mentioned them, they aren’t little things, Sarah.”


“Then why are you speaking of them like things you acquired?”


This is, unfortunately, not an uncommon theme when I coach men specifically. In fact, when you read that story, did that sentence stand out to you at all, or did you just keep reading?


We could drill down into all the reason why those were words chosen and why they seems to be an acceptable way of describing people we love.  But the bigger question for me is:

What parts of you have you left behind? 


What did you have to put down to become who you are today?  Was your impeccable attention to detail once used to craft furniture? Was your creative energy once used to play guitar?  What did you lose touch with?


We know why you did, most of us are the same. Arthur Brooks puts it in his book Strength to Strength, we would rather be special than happy.


So when we choose to be special instead of happy.  How do we sink back into what makes us happy again.


We need to know what parts of ourselves we left behind when we chose special. Was it a lust for adventure, was it a passion for languages, what is poetry but you are afraid to admit it?


Was it all of these things and more? Or perhaps, you haven’t felt happy for so very long, you actually cannot remember what made you feel like you belonged in the first place.  

These are big thoughts and perhaps they are filled with a veracious need to dive into something wild and exciting again but before you go out and buy a motorcycle or boat, you spend some time reflecting on what parts of you need tending too.


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